Assume the Perpendicular

I’ve got a whole new reason to love our Ergo carrier. Today I decided to try out the hip carry position for the first time. Usually when I do housework I put Eleanor in the Ergo on my back, and while it is really convenient and supremely comfortable, I don’t really like having her back there because I can’t see her and interact with her. It makes me feel like I’m not spending the kind of quality time with her that I would like. I prefer to carry her in the front typically where we can see each other, but it limits my mobility too much while I’m cleaning and doing laundry. Sometimes if I don’t want to put her on my back I use our ring sling, but she’s getting so heavy that having all of her weight on just one of my shoulders was not comfortable. So this morning when I was deliberating what carrier to put her in while I vacuumed, I suddenly remembered the Ergo hip carry and decided to give it a try.

I watched this video, which shows how to set up the carrier and put it on. It was really easy and after getting it all adjusted we were good to go. Unlike the hip carry position of the ring sling that places the majority of the baby’s weight on my neck and shoulder, the Ergo places her weight on my back and hips just like it does in the front or back carry positions. After a while I did start to feel tired in my shoulder, but I was really impressed with the way the carrier distributed her weight so comfortably considering the position. It made bending over to pick things up and reaching up to hang laundry easier than if she was in the front, but I was still able to make eye contact with her and we had a lot of stimulating conversation while we tidied up. 

(Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, this is my 2,000th post!)

Eleanor in her Moby, 6 days old

This morning I was grabbing something out of the baby’s closet, and I notice the Moby wrap laying all crumpled in a basket. It suddenly struck me that I couldn’t remember the last time I had put her in it. I used to use it every day, in the beginnings for naps, and later while I did chores. Had it been weeks? A month? Two months? When she was a newborn there were days where I never even bothered to take the wrap off, she was in and out of it so much. I tucked her in it the first time we left the house after she was born. At some point as she grew heavier I suppose I started phasing it out. She started taking most of her naps on our bed, and I started putting her in the Ergo on my back for chores, and now I put her down on the ground or in her jumparoo or crib to play when before I would have put her in the wrap. The last time I put her in the Moby wrap, however long ago that was, was the last time, possibly the last time ever, and I didn’t notice it. I didn’t realize.

When I was pregnant I read the poem “Let Me Hold You Longer,” from the book by the same name, by Karen Kingsbury. (You can read it here, but you should probably grab a box of tissues first.) It is all about how as parents we celebrate our children’s firsts, their first steps, first words, first days of school but we often do not realize when their lasts pass us by. The last time we change their diaper. The last time they let us rock them to sleep. The last time they need us to kiss their boo boos.

Since I read it I have thought often about the poem and about Eleanor’s lasts. As I looked down at that Moby wrap, a constant companion of the newborn days, it hit me like a punch to the gut that another last had occurred without my knowing. She is only seven months old, and yet there have already been so many of them. The last time I saw her gummy grin before her first teeth broke through. The last time I washed her small sized cloth diapers. The last time she fit in the Woombie. The last time we bathed her in the sink with the Puj tub. The last time she wore the gown we brought her home from the hospital in. The last time I got up during the night to feed her in the nursery. The last time I put her in the Moby.

It’s all so bittersweet. The lasts mean she is growing and changing, just as she should, but I can’t help but echo Kingsbury’s sentiments. I wish I would have known that the lasts were occurring, so that I could have appreciated them more. I wish I would have known the last time I put her in that soft pink homecoming gown so that I could have paused and taken in just how she looked in it. I wish I would have known the last time she needed me to get up with her during the night to rock her and nurse her, because I’m sure I would have held her closer to me for just a bit longer in the dimly lit nursery. I wish I would have known the last time I put her in the Moby wrap with her chest against my chest and pulled the fabric up around her head while she napped so that I could have attempted to memorize just how it felt to have her tiny body held so close to mine. 

It hides my post-baby flab.

We are big time babywearers. When I was first pregnant I decided that my one parenting goal was to be as good of a mother as a gorilla. Mother gorillas maintain constant contact with their babies for at least the first six months. Evolutionarily, human babies are designed to expect the same treatment, but modern life often gets in the way. We have the convenience of swings and infant chairs and safe cribs and bassinets, but our babies are still hardwired like our ancient hominid ancestors and crave the sort of closeness we observe in the mothering behaviors of other great apes. 

Although my baby has a strong grasping reflex, the same reflex which allows a gorilla baby to cling tightly to the fur of its mother while still allowing her the use of her arms, I lack a nice coat of hair, so I make up for it with baby carriers. We have three different kinds, and each has their pros and cons.

The Wrap

The Moby Wrap was the first carrier I was really comfortable putting newborn Eleanor in. I love how tightly it holds her against my body. She is very secure, and most importantly for a newborn, it keeps her head very stable and supported. The wrap allows me the most freedom. With her head totally supported, I am able to use both arms and can accomplish tasks that require a lot of movement, like hanging laundry on the line and cooking. 

I think wrap style carriers can seem intimidating at first, but they really aren’t as complicated as they seem. The wrap pattern is easy to learn, and it’s relatively easy to get the baby in and out of it by yourself. The main gripe I have with the wrap is that it takes a few minutes to put it on. I haven’t attempted to nurse Eleanor while she is in the wrap, which can be done, so I have to take her in and out of it several times a day. I can leave the wrap tied around me, which sometimes I do, but it’s summer time and the fabric makes me hot, so most of the time I just end up wrapping and unwrapping myself several times a day. 

Positioning her in the wrap is fairly easy. With any carrier you need to ensure that the baby’s chin is up off of their chest and that they are breathing easily. In the wrap with a newborn hold her chest is against my chest with her head up and turned to the side. 

Andrew isn’t a fan of the wrap, but he has a lot of anxiety when it comes to baby carriers. He worries that the wrap isn’t tight enough and that the baby’s head isn’t high enough and ends up securing the wrap, then redoing it to make it tighter, the putting the baby in and taking her out to reposition her until he gets so frustrated that he just gives up.

Using baby carriers with a newborn takes a bit of confidence. With the wrap I simply tie it very tightly (the fabric will always stretch) and keep the baby’s head high on my chest (a good rule to remember is that you should be able to fit at least two fingers between the baby’s chin and chest). After a few successful Moby rides I learned how she should look and feel in the wrap and any anxiety I had about her breathing or safety melted away.

The wrap makes a good first carrier for a newborn because it holds them high and tight. You can be sure that your baby’s head and body are well supported and have their face near yours to monitor their breathing. I love the wrap most for the times when I really need to get stuff done, but it’s nice for lounging and comfortable for walking (while she’s still small at light, at least). 

The Ring Sling

This ring sling by Balboa Baby has become my go-to carrier around the house. It’s the easiest to get Eleanor in and out of, and the easiest to put on. I simply slide it over my shoulder and slide her in. There are two ways to carry a newborn in this sort of sling, the “cradle” style, where the baby is reclining horizontally in the sling, and the “cuddle” style, where the baby is upright with its chest against your chest. I prefer the cuddle style. The pouch of the sling is fairly deep and while Eleanor is still so small it really envelops her, and in the “cradle” style she has more of a chance of her head dropping down into her chest and obscuring her breathing. With “cuddle” style she goes in bottom first and her head rests up against my chest, while the fabric of the sling supports her back and, to a certain extent, her head. She seems to prefer this style because it allows her look around. 

The biggest downside of the ring sling with the cuddle position is that her head is not very well supported, and thus it doesn’t leave me totally hands free. If I’m upright, walking or doing chores or whatever, I need to have one free hand to help support her head. If I angle my body back a bit I can go hands free for brief moments, but the fabric of the sling isn’t taut enough to really hold her head steady, and without a little reinforcement it will bob. Of course needing to keep one hand on her head is much easier than supporting her entire body in one arm, so it still makes my life considerably easier.   

My monkey baby asleep in her sling

The ring sling has been a great cure for fussy time so far. Of all of the carriers it allows her to look around the most, which she really enjoys. If she is fussing I’ll put her in the sling and walk around while she peers out until she is calm enough to close her eyes and go to sleep. However, out of all of the carriers the sling is definitely the least secure. Andrew won’t go anywhere near it because it makes him far too nervous.

The Ergo (with infant insert) 

The Ergo is Daddy’s favorite carrier because it is the most fool proof. As long as the straps are tight, you pretty much can’t mess it up. It allows for good mobility and leaves you totally hands free. It holds the baby very securely against your chest with the head kept high. You are supposed to be able to put it on by yourself, but it’s a little tricky to reach the buckle between your shoulders. I probably could do it alone, but I prefer to have Andrew snap it up.

I like the Ergo for long walks. The weight distribution really is great, it has its own built in sun shade, a very useful zipper in the front, and I can take the baby in and out of it quickly. Of all of the carriers, this is the bulkiest, which makes me gravitate toward other carriers when we are at home.  

I think that over time we will end up using the Ergo the most, since it will best support the weight of a bigger baby.

For the sake of full disclosure I must admit, I fall short of my gorilla mother standards. Sometimes I put my baby down, like when I’m home alone and I need to go to the bathroom or take a shower, and when we would both like to eat dinner together while using both hands and not worrying about spilling on the baby. Sometimes I even put her in her bouncy chair for a few minutes just because she seems to enjoy the change of scenery (and it’s a cute place to take her picture). That being said, she spends less than an hour out of our arms every day, and I’m really glad that we decided to invest in a variety of carriers. They all are in heavy rotation and each manage to make our lives just a little bit easier.