One More Year
Ugh. All of your mamas posting First Day of School photos and musings are making me feel all of the feels. Eleanor is only three, so we still have two years before kindergarten, but next year I plan on finding a pre-k program for her to attend, so this time next year I will be one of you. And I’m not ready. I’m really not ready. I can’t even read your posts without tearing up. Can’t I just keep her at home with me forever?
Today we were out running errands. We went to Target, and then to a local outdoor mall to return those pants I ordered that were the wrong size. More often than not lately, taking Eleanor out of the house is a really big challenge because she doesn’t listen to a word I say and is really into whining. But today was just so nice. She didn’t fuss about riding in the cart in Target. We played little “I Spy” style games together while I checked off the items on my list. Then when we got to the mall we walked around for a little while to give Win a chance to fall asleep in the Ergo, and after that we just had time to kill, so we did everything at Eleanor’s pace. She played around on the steps in the little courtyard. She visited the big PF Chang’s horses. She sat at the counter at Sephora and pretended to apply makeup with the little sponges and cotton rounds. She stayed close to me. She held my hand when I asked her to. After Win woke up, we decided to eat lunch, so we went to Fuddrucker’s and each got hot dogs with pickles. Win sat on a high chair and happily ate pieces of the bun, while Eleanor sat on my lap. I gave her two quarters to buy a temporary tattoo out of one of those little vending machines. I enjoyed being with her so much.
Now we’re back home, and both kids are napping. I’m seeing all of your school related posts, and it’s hitting me hard that this will be our last year of total, unstructured freedom. The last year of being always together. It just seems too short, too soon. I don’t want it to end. How I am going to make it through that first school drop-off if I’m already this torn up about it, and it’s still a year away?